I had this dream where the volcano in Iceland that erupted was actually some dying god that somehow controlled all the world’s adults. I don’t remember how I found this out but me and a friend decided we had to save this god and save the world. Oh, before I forget – the god was an engine of some sort that had either spun a bearing or had run out of oil or something. Anyway, we were in a mall in Canada when the volcano’s ash cloud started to look like a sinister figure in a cape trying to envelop the planet. Combined with this crazy person telling us how the world was ending, we managed to figure it out and went to help (me and my friend), but for some reason as we were trying to escape from the mall we were being chased by some feds and mall security. Anyway, my friend managed to get out without a hitch and I got caught but managed to escape from the mall into this mega-nasty snowstorm, visibility was less than five feet. I don’t remember how I knew to get to where I needed to go, but I remember it was hell getting there. Anyway, when I got there, I met up with my friend again and some other people who had figured out what was going on and were trying to figure out this puzzle where they had a really ornate screw and on the wall there was this weird arrangement of squares with the letters “TF” combined in the middle. Somehow, we figured out that the screw was really a MacGuffin and you only needed to write in the squares on the wall which you could’ve done with chalk. Anyway, once we figured out one word part of the wall fell away to reveal this giant crossword puzzle that we would have to solve to save the god. There was some rule like “all crossword answers are .com domains”, but that rule was a lie because the last clue was a line from the song “On The Road Again”. Finally we solved it and saved the adults, but somewhere there was this “Congratulations” screen which showed us our time and other stats and I realized that it was all just one big ARG.

I guess I finished with cleaning out the garage and forgot about hanging out with my frog friend because I go to what is apparenty the backyard of my house to find my mom working on some sort of large outdoor pond. For some reason I get into the old Range Rover we have in the backyard and it’s running. My mom then gets in as well and reverses through our backyard gate and into the woods behind our house.

I wish I knew what any of this meant (except for the Range Rover, that just means TG is awesome)

My second, and I believe much more crazier dream was that I was at some comic convention (hmm, I wonder which one it could be?) and it was being filmed live or something like that but they could do multiple takes, and this superhero comes out dressed in head-to-toe blue with a blue mask covering his face so nobody could know who plays him. He gets in close to me so I can see who he is actually, and I tell him (quietly, because it’s being filmed live and I didn’t want to mess it up) “I know who you are”. He takes off his mask and it’s Andy Samberg. He asks my name and I tell him it’s Kevin for some reason. He calls me out  for calling him out by giving me some superhero name I can’t remember, and the crowd cheered as I woke up.

I gotta find out what’s wrong with me.

So for some reason I want to base jump from one building in Washington, D.C. to another, and the building I decide to jump off of is a school or learning place of some sort, but we (being me and some compatriots who want to see me jump) have no way of getting in. However, a few minutes later someone who looks like Brooke from high school manages to obtain a keycard, so now we get in the building. We’re running up to the top floor when we come across two guys, one of which looks like Kenan Thompson, running down the stairs and telling us to hide. We all scatter and hide wherever we can, including behind a door of a classroom in use. After we see two teachers walk down the stairs, we call it off, but when we do get downstairs we come into contact with this hard-ass teacher who challenges all of us. My compatriots don’t get off so well, but I use the fact that I am younger than them to say I am in the school, and when he asks me stuff about the school I answer correctly apparently, and he ends up leaving us alone.
Oh, and I was inside an Apple Store that physically changed malls. I don’t know what the hell that was about.

But I think the strangest thing of all was when I woke up I tasted corn chips, but I brushed my teeth right before I went to sleep and I haven’t eaten any corn chips in weeks.

Anyway, I was at college in my room which strangely looked like the second floor of my house. I thought that some Swedish boogeyman was out to get me, and I didn’t know why. So I’m sitting in my bed, scared as hell that the Swedish boogeyman was outside, and I had a knife. My door opens and a knife sticks in. I try to shut the door on the boogeyman’s hand and get it to drop the knife, which works. I open the door, ready to cut someone, and it’s – my mom? And she’s crying? The fuck? Anyway, I bring her in my room, close the door and try to comfort her, when someone knocks on my door. I tell them I’ll be there in a minute, but they’re insistent. I finally relent after 10 seconds of banging on my door, and it’s someone from the college. I give my knife and my mom’s knife to her and ask what the hell’s going on here. She replies with, and I shit you not:

“You’ve never slept at Mudd during finals, have you?”

Around this time I wake up. It’s 6:30 AM. I don’t get back to sleep until 7:30 AM.

But then there’s the other dream I remember.

So I’m sitting in class at high school (I don’t know why I’d dream myself back there, but whatever), and one of the kids in front of me falls out of their chair. Now this isn’t particularly interesting, although I’ve never seen it happen before in real life, but my reaction to it is, immediately I get up and announce that the person who fell out of their chair is having a stroke.

I don’t remember if I used any other indicators to see if the person was having a stroke, but I did ask someone to call 911 and, under the assumption that your brain heats up when you have a stroke, ran into the freezer and got some ice and a rag to hold it in and placed it on their head. My brain, sensing the absurdity, did a jump cut to when the paramedics arrive and they tell me that it actually was a stroke.

Then I woke up.

I think I should see someone about that.