Change is Overrated

Mon 20 April 2009
Nowadays I seem to be interested in things I coudn't stand six months before. Beginning with gum sometime in October (probably as a replacement for another nervous habit that's come back in full force) followed in quick succession by brushing my teeth before going to sleep (which does nothing, btw) and showering every other day (but I have a feeling those last two were more about helping the people around me rather than any nervous condition I may or may not have). While I am not condemning these acts - I can't prove it, but I'm sure my teeth are happier - it tells me that either the things I do under pressure to cope stay with me when I'm not stressed, or I'm still stressed.
Now which of those two is more likely: I'm rushing to get my financial aid info in to attend (and ace) some quick summer college courses at bumble-fuck community college along with having to find and successfully BS some "educational" psychiatrist into saying I'm sane enough to go to the college I actually want to go to while being haunted by my both biggest and most recent failure fostering feelings of academic insecurity which, because my self-esteem, self-respect, and self-image are built almost exclusively on the demolished house of cards that was my academic career, has metastasized into general insecurity and flown an A380 into the twin towers of my self-image.
It would just be so much easier to become a drifter. Also, I just realized: A380+Twin Towers=government watching me.